Hello, I am Dr. Fei, and I would like to welcome you to my psychoeducation blog. Here, we delve into various topics related to mental health and wellbeing. Firstly, I want to recognize and commend your courage in beginning this journey of self-discovery and healing. It takes great bravery to confront our challenges and actively seek out support, and I am honored to have the chance to provide you with some insights and resources that may be of help.
As you know, self-care has become a buzzword in recent years, but it’s more than just treating yourself to a bubble bath and doing yoga. Although these activities can be relaxing, they don’t always address the deeper level of care we need to truly fill up our tanks. What self-care is really about? It’s about being emotionally attuned enough to your own needs that you can meet them with care. It’s about knowing yourself and your emotional needs so that you can provide a solution when you feel overwhelmed or burned out. As ambitious individuals, it’s crucial to take care of our inner world to continue being successful in the real world.
Doing “Self-Care” Right
As a therapist, I often see people who don’t know how to take care of themselves. They don’t even know what their emotional needs are. This can be frustrating and overwhelming. But it’s an essential part of self-care to understand what you need to feel better.
Depending on the area in your life where you’re depleted, you’re going to need different things to give it support. But the problem is that many people don’t know what their emotional needs are.
One reason for this confusion is that growing up, many of us have learned to deny our own needs and focus solely on the needs of others. This is particularly true for people (e.g., moms, helping professionals, emergency responders) who are often busy taking care of everyone else but themselves. But the truth is, denying our own needs is the quickest way to feeling burned out.
We need to have a healthy sense of responsibility for ourselves and for what others are doing to keep our emotional engines running smoothly. When we are hyper-vigilant and filling in the gaps for others, we expend an incredible amount of emotional energy doing things for others and denying ourselves our own needs.
Burnout is what happens
when you try to avoid being human for too long
Without processing this, we carry this responsibility from our childhood into our adulthood and in our daily lives. This survival way of life is going to have an expiration date. Our body can only hold this level of stress and responsibility and overwhelm for so long before we burn out.
When we treat ourselves like production machines or robots with no limits or boundaries, we run the risk of burnout because we’re living at a level we weren’t designed to maintain. Many high-achievers fall into this caretaking role, always taking initiative, being in control, and managing multiple things at once. They’re incredibly hard on themselves and always seeking more, to have more, to be more, and to achieve more. However, they only have so much emotional energy to give on any given day, and once it’s out, they’re out.
Tips for Preventing Burnout
To avoid burnout, it’s essential to keep a thermostat on how you’re doing and how much emotional energy you’re spending on things. Here are some tips to prevent burnout:
- Set boundaries: Learn to say no and be selective about the things you take on. (see more details about boundary setting here)
- Take breaks: Step away from work or responsibilities and take a walk, read a book, or do something you enjoy.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay to take care of yourself. Communicate effectively with others to get your needs met.
- Connect with others: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist to help you process your emotions and feelings.
- Find balance: Make time for the things you enjoy and prioritize your well-being.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish, and it’s essential to avoid burnout.
Self-care is an internal job that involves managing expectations, implementing boundaries, connecting in healthy ways to people, and taking time for our emotional world to breathe. When we implement these practices as part of our daily life, we will inherently feel more in control and at ease with ourselves.
It’s never too late to learn how to value ourselves and nurture our inner world. Therapy can be a great way to rewire our brain, heal our emotional world and teach us skills to relate to ourselves and others in ways that feel healthy and good to us.
So don’t get overwhelmed by the idea of self-care. It’s a deep, internal process, but it’s possible, and it’s essential for our well-being. We’re all imperfect humans learning and growing and trying to be the best versions of ourselves. So let’s identify where we need extra support and seek it out without shame.
If you find yourself struggling with these issues and they have a negative impact on your life, it may be time to seek professional help in a supportive and safe environment. Please feel free to contact Dr. Fei Yi at drfeiyi@silkroadpsychology.com for more information about individual therapy.