Have you ever felt like a fraud, like you’re not good enough, despite your accomplishments and success? Do you feel like you’re just waiting for someone to call you out and expose you for being a phony? If so, you’re not alone. These feelings are often referred to as “imposter syndrome,” and they’re more common than you might think.
A Close Look at Imposter Syndrome
As a therapist, I work with many clients who struggle with “imposter syndrome”. One of my clients, let’s call her Jane, is a successful entrepreneur who built her own company from the ground up. Despite her achievements, Jane constantly doubts herself and worries that she’s not qualified or deserving of her success. She feels like she’s just faking it and is afraid that one day, someone will find out that she’s not as competent as she appears to be.
Another client of mine, let’s call him John, is a high-achieving attorney who’s respected in his field. However, John struggles with feelings of inadequacy and worries that he’s not living up to his own high standards. He feels like he’s constantly striving for perfection, but can never quite reach it. As a result, he experiences a lot of stress and anxiety, which only reinforces his feelings of shame and self-doubt.
Imposter syndrome is a common experience, and it can be incredibly isolating. When we feel like imposters, we often keep our doubts and fears to ourselves, afraid of being exposed or judged. However, the truth is that many successful people experience these feelings, and it’s important to recognize that we’re not alone.
Root of Imposter Syndrome: Shame
The roots of these feelings often go back to shame. Shame is a powerful emotion that makes us feel like we’re fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love and belonging. It’s often linked to experiences of trauma, such as childhood abuse or neglect, or other experiences that made us feel like we weren’t enough. When we experience shame, we feel like we have to hide our true selves, which can lead to feelings of self-doubt and imposter syndrome.
For Jane, her imposter syndrome was linked to a childhood where she was constantly told that she wasn’t good enough. Her parents were never satisfied with her achievements, and she always felt like she had to prove herself to them. As a result, she internalized the message that she was never enough, which has followed her into adulthood.
For John, his imposter syndrome was linked to a fear of failure. He grew up in a family where success was highly valued, and he always felt like he had to achieve in order to be accepted and loved. As a result, he developed a harsh inner critic that was never satisfied, and he always felt like he could do better.
How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome?
The first step is to recognize that these feelings are normal and that many successful people experience them. It’s important to talk about our feelings with others, whether that’s a therapist, a friend, or a trusted colleague. When we share our experiences, we often realize that we’re not alone and that others can relate to what we’re going through.
The second step is to shift the focus from comparing oneself to others, to comparing oneself to one’s past self. This means that instead of measuring success by how we stack up against others, we measure it by how far we have come from where we started. This shift in mindset can help us recognize and appreciate our progress and achievements.
For example, I had a client who struggled with imposter syndrome in her career as a writer. She constantly compared herself to other successful writers and felt like she didn’t measure up. However, when she started looking back at her earlier work and comparing it to her current writing, she realized how much she had improved. This shift in perspective helped her recognize her own growth and progress, and ultimately helped her feel more confident in her abilities.
Finally, a very important step to overcome imposter syndrome is to replace a fixed mindset with a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is the belief that our abilities and qualities are set in stone and cannot be changed. In contrast, a growth mindset is the belief that we can develop our abilities and qualities through hard work and dedication.
You are not an imposter. You are a work in progress.
Fixed Mindset vs.. Growth Mindset
People with a fixed mindset often feel like they have to prove themselves constantly and may avoid taking on new challenges or risks out of fear of failure. On the other hand, those with a growth mindset are more willing to take on challenges and view failures as opportunities for learning and growth. They understand that failure is a natural part of the learning process and that setbacks are not a reflection of their self-worth or intelligence. By adopting a growth mindset, people can shift their focus from proving themselves to improving themselves, which can help reduce feelings of imposter syndrome.
For example, I had a client who struggled with imposter syndrome in her job as a graphic designer. She was constantly comparing herself to her coworkers and felt like she didn’t measure up. Through our sessions, we worked on changing her fixed mindset by focusing on growth and learning. We identified areas where she wanted to improve her skills and created a plan for her to work on them. Jane also started to shift her focus from her coworkers to herself, setting personal goals and measuring her progress against her own achievements rather than those of others. Over time, Jane’s confidence grew, and she began to feel more comfortable in her role as a graphic designer.
*Disclaimer: The clients mentioned in this post are fictional and created solely for educational purposes. While their experiences may be relatable to some readers, they are not meant to represent any specific individuals or situations. The information provided in this post is intended to be educational and not a substitute for professional advice or treatment. If you need one-on-one individual professional help, please contact Dr. Fei at drfeiy@silkroadpsychology.com